Listening: Defusing the Angry Employee

It’s one thing to lead and another to find that people actually follow you. What makes you want to follow some people and not others? In a time when most of us would give anything to find just one leader in our government who remembers who they work for, it seems appropriate to offer you this collection of tips for leaders. I will try to keep them practical and useful enough so you can use it as soon as you’ve read it.

What do you do when an angry employee confronts you in your station’s day room, complaining that a schedule change you made has had a sudden negative impact on his personal life? You’re very surprised, because you didn’t realize it would impact him and because he is so angry. He is expressing himself loudly enough to attract the interest of several other employees, and you get the impression this is deliberate. Your first impulse is to get a little cranky.

Answer: Resist that urge to get cranky. As Mark Twain once said, “Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.” People’s schedules are important to them, and as complex as their lives are. My friend Jeff Forster believes you make your worst people mistakes when you mess with somebody’s four S’s: Their schedule, their safety, their salary and their spouse.

When somebody yells at you, don’t do what comes naturally—especially if you might be at fault. Instead, do what makes sense: Listen to them. This has a couple of benefits. One, it gives them a chance to talk. And two, it helps you to listen. Then, don’t answer right away. Instead, try Mike Taigman’s suggestion. Wait until they stop talking, then be silent for a few seconds. That has two more benefits. It tells your colleague you’ve been listening, and it gives you a chance to choose your first few critical words.

Don’t forget, the best answer of all may be an honest apology. Most people will surprise you with their immediate willingness to accept that. They understand you’re not perfect, and that’s okay with them. Hope it’s okay with you, too.