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Coming In From The Cold To Recognize Essential Elements For Business Survival
02/06/2014
His words were accentuated by the visible condensate with each exhale. An accretion of ice was already present on his thick, walrus-like mustache and building. It was cold. Damn cold. Chicago is cold in the winter and this one was a real molecule stopper. It was so cold in fact that it was hard for me to concentrate on what he was asking me.
I kept thinking this “laboratory” must be very special and worth seeing since I had left sunny, warm Arizona for a full body dip in this virtual deep freeze.
“What do you get when you combine two foot and ankle orthopedic surgeons with three podiatric surgeons?”
I tried to shake my head but the frigid air that leaked in around my scarfed neck ceased my movement immediately, and I actually contracted my neck down into my body like a turtle. Frankly, I was really just trying to survive and somehow levity escaped me at that time. Now if I were inside at the time and nice and toasty, I would have had about 100 witty responses ranging from scenes like a medieval bloodletting and torture chamber with God knows who had shackled whom to body outlines on the ground like you see at a CSI crime investigation.
“Dr. Plank,” I said. He turned. “What is the answer to your question/joke?”
His jaw tightened and the icy mustache was now so heavy that it could not elevate normally with the rest of his red face. “I was not making a joke, sir. I am German. You forgot?” I had indeed. More cultural sensitivity training needed, I mused to myself.
“Sorry, sir, I know that you are a physicist and probably don’t fully understand the context of your question so I mistook it for a joke. I will explain when we get inside.”
He pointed to the huge edifice in front of us with his ungloved hand and in his guttural German accent, he said, “You get Fütonium.” I was impressed by the way he accented the umlauted vowel, even coming from a native German.
“Fütonium? What the hell is that?” I replied, still trying to play out the 100 witty responses to his question in my mind.
“Fütonium, my friend, is the newest element, discovered just this last year after more than five years of our scientists’ concentrated effort, and emanates from the ‘strong force.’”
I knew well about the strong force. Some say it is billions and billions of times stronger than the gravitational force. It is the force that keeps the nucleus of atoms from blowing the universe apart. This is the same laboratory (note I will not use the term “lab” as that does not convey the import of this incubator) that discovered “Ankilonium” just a couple of years previously. We entered the frosted glass double doors and above our head was the large letters: FABI.
“Ahh,” I said. Both an exclamation of now feeling the artificial warmth of the building and my figuring out what FABI meant. Now I knew. Fütonium Ankilonium Blending Institute. (That is not really what it stands for but go with me here for a few more minutes.) This institute was impressive and there on the wall were the pictures of the men who founded this living experiment: Lowell Weil, Sr., DPM, Lowell Weil, Jr., DPM, Chris Hyer, DPM, Terry Philbin, DO, and Greg Berlet, MD.
I was anxious to see it. “Show me some of the new element,” I implored Plank.
“Tomorrow, not now.”