N.C. Hospice Patient Gets Last Wish

June 03--CAROLINA BEACH -- None of Ruth "Ellie" Duckett's friends cried at what will be the hospice patient's last day at the beach.

The final trip to the beach, complete with about 20 friends and family members -- including Ellie's 94-year-old mother, Jane -- was Ellie's last wish as she nears the end of a 20-year battle with breast cancer.

"This is just so special," Ellie said as she was escorted from the ambulance to the beach on a special wheelchair designed for the sand. "You get that smell ... If that's the last smell I smell, that's a good smell."

Rather than tears, there was laughter and lots of picture taking. And two dozen Britt's donuts donated by the famous Carolina Beach eatery.

And sangria.

"We're not going to do that," Bonnie Laserna said of crying. "We feel like we're celebrating her life even if it is the end of her life."

Ellie noshed on one of the world's most famous glazed treats and sipped her drink -- alcohol is just fine and wouldn't be denied to a hospice patient, said her physician, Dr. Ted Winneberger.

Paramedics from the town's Ocean Rescue team even helped her dip her toes in the ocean for the final time.

"Oh, this is wonderful," Ellie said.

A good last home

Ellie will spend her last days as a patient at the Lower Cape Fear Hospice Care Center in Wilmington.

A big reason she decided to spend a private moment in the public eye -- inviting members of the media to her day at the beach was her idea -- was to shine a light on what she said is the "excellent" care provided by hospice, both at home and at its clinics.

"There's nothing sad here for me," Ellie said. "They treat me like a queen."

"She wants to change how people see hospice," said Kimberly Paul, hospice's vice president of communications and outreach.

Winneberger said hospice still struggles with its image as solely a place to die. He said hospice patients, whether being cared for at home, tend to live a little longer because hospice helps them deal with pain that could drain a body of energy.

Ellie was the latest in what hospice has called "sentimental journeys," a collaborative effort among hospice, New Hanover Regional Medical Center and emergency services, whose employees volunteer their time to take a hospice patient to their journey.

"Life just becomes sharper when you're more certain of the time frame," Winneberger said. "The opportunity to do something enjoyable" makes the end of life more pleasant.

Other journeys have included a man who wanted to walk with his family in downtown Wilmington one last time and a man who just wanted to drink a glass of bourbon on the porch of his former home in Burgaw. A common theme, Paul said, is that people want a special final moment, often with friends and family.

"When death is imminent, you suddenly realize what's important in life," Paul said. "(Ellie) is particularly amazing."

Not afraid of the end

Ellie said she's always been a fighter. She had a 30-plus year career in the CIA (don't ask for details).

While cancer has robbed her body of strength, it sapped nothing from her sharper-than-a-sword mind and she never wanted to be known as "Ellie the cancer patient."

"I'm Ellie -- a pain in the butt," she said as her friends simultaneously laughed and nodded their heads.

That said, she was "terrified" when she received her diagnosis while working for the CIA in London.

But not for long.

"I sort of got into a fetal position," Ellie said. "The moment I hit my knees, I vowed I would never do that again. I wasn't praying. I was feeling sorry for myself. That was the least productive use of my time."

She dispensed a lot of advice on Friday, including what not to say to a cancer patient -- such as telling them everything is going to be OK or that someone else has had it worse.

"There's no right way to do cancer," Ellie said. "Everybody has their right way to deal with it."

She said family and friends should support a cancer patient whether they cry every day or keep their chin up.

"It is as bad as you want to believe it is," Ellie said. "Family and friends should not beat them up for not being tough enough."

Love, hug your friends

She added that she isn't afraid to die.

"We are just such a speck of a speck. I don't take myself too seriously. How can you?" Ellie said. "God has a plan. I don't know what that plan is, but I'm not going to question it."

Her message -- life is beautiful. And death can be beautiful too, especially when surrounded by the ones you love.

"At the end of the day, it's about relationships," Ellie said. "Love your friends. Hug your friends."

Reporter Tim Buckland can be reached at 910-343-2217 or Tim.Buckland@StarNewsOnline.com.

Copyright 2016 - Star-News, Wilmington, N.C.