Gossip

     EMS Reruns is an advice column designed to address dilemmas you may have experienced in EMS that you did not know how to handle. But it offers you a luxury you don't have on scene: plenty of time to think. If you think of an example like the one that follows, send it to us. If we choose to publish your dilemma, we'll pay you $50. We don't know everything, but we do know a lot of smart people. If we need to, we'll contact just the right experts and share their advice with you. E-mail ideas to Nancy.Perry@cygnusb2b.com.

     It's been a long night. You and your partner finish up your morning chores and join the oncoming crews at the day-room table. You don't even notice it after a few seconds, but the chatter is noisy and wide-ranging. Emergency crews can surely conduct more simultaneous meaningful conversations in a single room than any other segment of civilization on the planet. Maybe it has something to do with the multitasking demands of an EMT's job.

     Inevitably, something comes up that gets the whole group's attention. Usually it's something that's nobody's business. This time it's the personal shortcomings of one of the officers. This topic doesn't last long and soon the focus shifts to speculating about the sex life of a new EMT. Then it moves on to the facial features of somebody's coyote-ugly kid.

     If you've been in EMS for any time at all, chances are you've noticed a common thread in our station behaviors. It seems to be everywhere, but I'm sure it's worse in small agencies or stations that don't run a lot of calls. We gossip. We gossip way too much. In fact, I think it's the cause of most of our significant arguments.

     Q. You're pretty new here and you really want to fit in because you love being an EMT. But you don't feel comfortable with the tone of this discussion about people's private lives. What should you do?
     A. Preaching to EMSers is a futile pursuit, especially for an outsider or newcomer. On the other hand, you should never miss a good opportunity to shut up. If you start bad-mouthing people you don't even know, this whole group will very likely turn on you instead--and you'll deserve it. Not to mention the fact that you will thereby make it known to everyone in the room that their good names are not safe with you. And not to mention the fact that back-stabbing people is unkind and unethical.

     Q. What about fitting in? That's not just an option for an EMT, who needs to function as a team member.
     A. You may never be a good fit for a bad team, but that's okay. I think you do the most good in this world if you try first to be true to yourself and the things you believe in. That's not the same as arrogance or selfishness, and it doesn't make one a poor team member. People will generally work best with you if they know they can respect and trust you. (In fact, they naturally look for the same things in a leader.) EMSers are good people readers, and eventually they will figure out what makes you tick.

     Q. If everybody gossips, what's so bad about it?
     A. You can destroy somebody's career, their marriage and their life by spreading damaging information about them, even if it's true. The saddest thing about gossip is they have no defense against it--because they may never know where it came from. There are plenty of stories about innocent victims of gossip who eventually took their lives as a consequence of ugly rumors.

     Q. How do you know when a friendly discussion crosses that line and becomes gossip?
     A. Anytime you find yourself thinking that a discussion will probably not result in anything good for someone and that that discussion would not be occurring in their presence, that's gossip. Or, anytime you find yourself wondering if you're gossiping, chances are you're gossiping.

     Q. How do you avoid the habit of gossiping when you're surrounded by people who gossip?
     A. It's not hard to change the subject of a discussion by starting another one. If someone returns to the original subject, you can either politely suggest another change of subject or simply refrain from participating. If you do those things often enough, people who observe human behaviors for a living will soon come to realize that you do not gossip. Lots of people naturally respect that trait, and at least a few of them may emulate it.

     As Mahatma Gandhi once said, "you must become the change you would like to see in the world."

Thom Dick has been involved in EMS for 35 years, 23 of them as a full-time EMT and paramedic in San Diego County. He is currently the quality care coordinator for Platte Valley Ambulance Service, a community-owned, hospital-based 9-1-1 provider in Brighton, CO. Contact him at boxcar414@aol.com.